Validation

I'm probably like you.

That's an enormous leap of generalization.

But some of us can fit ourselves into different genres of characterization.

'What if we're all a little bit weird' Sry, my quote of the season, from an awesome movie, Swiss Army Man. Great, but odd movie.

Im working in a new position, and new always seems to be self validating. 

Until the effects wear off, and the honeymoon is over.

But thats not my point, nor is trying to convince of Swiss Army Man's relevance.

In my position I have added responsibilities and expectations where Ive tried to come in with arms swinging and an attempt to lead the pack.

Ive been marginally successful at this attempt and have been validating on several occasions, ie money, or the promise of it, which at this juncture of my life, thats the only validation I really want from anyone. 

But this expectation Ive set, through triumphs, and defeats, is stunningly high for my position in life. (I write as I sit at my 2nd job as the doorman)

With his expectation is the minimalization of the highs in my life, my son, my continuing quest for education, my work life for that matter.  That I must meet a certain standard, set higher than the acheivements and places I've been.   This means I receive no validation, or invalidation, through the daily, monthly, yearly, or seasonal success I experience.  I simply did the expectation of my time period.  Almost like those players that get a touchdown and don't celebrate because it is theirs, the teams, and the fan's expectation that they will score, and score often.

I'm no star football player; more of failed accounting major with several dings on my record, personal, legal, financialn and otherwise.

So when I complete a class or learn a new move or get a raise, I simply feel the expectation has been met and move on.

There's almost no thankfulness in that.  Maybe thats due to an extreme sense of historical invalidation and under acheivement, but either way, without the validation, I only ask for more validation from external sources.

I have a buddy, who I made in my new position, who is the exact same position, age, and almost person as myself.  He continually needs my validation and our bosses, and those around him.  I feel I am no different in a sense.

My expectation is set at such a level that upwards validation is the only thing to set that free, and that does not come often.  Often, work is a continuous set of actions, some of which I meet expectation, others I fail to, and even others I hopefully exceed.

We all long for some sense of validation, whether thats external or self driven, but validation is tough because theres such a difference from person to person.

'All glory is fleeting' -Joe Paterno used to quote Patton, or some Roman emporer, I beleive.  But as players through his regime experienced some of the highest highs available to goal minded individuals, he reminded them to be humblen to understand validation is only one piece of the puzzle, especially when received externally.  And it's also fleeting, so while we, most of us, would enjoy the praise, that is temporary, just as is pain, but true validation is internal.

I guess that's my point.

Validate internally.

It will allow you to move on, to the tasks at hand, to today's worries, to today's actions, to meet today's expectations. 

To exceed today's expectations.

Everyday.

Variables

In preparation and thought for the formulation of a life equation, it would be beneficial to learn a bit more about regression and linear models.  I can, and will, throw out ramblings with the backing of little to no statistics, only when I'm feeling extra productive, but it is finally necessary.

The life equation could easily consist of wealth = assets - liabilities, as is taught in any accounting class, beginner or advanced, but there's a lifetime of assets, and more so of liabilities, depending on the side of the track you started and end up on.

Education, food, clothing, housing.  These are necessary expeditures throughout our first world, or any world for that matter journey.  Education maybe being the divide, but that is the divide that seperates the modern world as well, in a much different way as access may be the significant issue in the 3rd world but accessibility is also a dividing factor in the 1rst world.  Education of all levels is available to all, the standard being the difference throughout, while many economic factors litter the mix as well.

And that economic mix is the one I'd like to determine in the life equation, at least the average, and maybe a floor and ceiling.  A floor being already established at 0, 0 dollars, 0 hopes, 0 dreams; but a floor is actually determined by American society, whether there is any effort put into rising from that floor or not, ie our own American version of socialism.  While middle class socialism is given to the fates of our capitalistic natures, to throw any form of social empathy to the wayside and live in an over inflated world of darwinism.  A bit dramatic, I'd say, but with a bit of truth.

The ceiling essentially being infinite within reason, and most likely forgoing other variables (he said the name of the movie!) not quantified by the life equation or any equation.

Onwards from my rhetoric.

Regression and linear models are needed for this to weed out the bullshit, and, well, rhetoric.  To establish a trajectory including such constants as cost of education, cost of housing, cost of financing, need for financing, living expense, and to fish out any other variables, any other quantifiable items.

I'm on my journey to get back the book written by one of the only professors i felt i ever got anything from, and we skipped every project and paper: James Rodgers.
His book Smart Data is necessary in a world with so many quantifiable factors and so many more theories, and guesses.

I can reasonably make an assumption on an average life equation with the assistance of statics of many varying items, but using stats for my own good isn't helping anyone.  That's why math created these models, to better understand the misunderstood, to put fact to words, to make a case for the jumbled mess I consistenly serve.

More options

So, my last post about trying to find other options was a success.

I got a job, I got away, I 'moved on'....to the department right next to mine.

I got the new job, as was apparent from the last sentence fragments, but where does that leave me?

Where does that leave any of us?

You get to a 'goal' (of sorts) and where do you go next?

When the goal is money, there is never an endstate, and in my case, I didnt get any more of that with this move so i essentially have the same issues, plus more issues I am not yet aware of since with moving comes change.

At least constant shit, is constant.

Change is constant, but the consistency of change is not constant.

But back to money.

There has to be a better goal or you will never reach that goal.  Those are words to live and die by.

I've,  along with many other 100ker or the less of us, have, but its not until one chases love that contentness is found.

Its been said and its certainly overused and cliche, but thats because its true.

You MUST love what you do.

Or you will fail, continually, without change.

There must be an element of love in your work that keeps you striving for any work to be successful or its all for not, and for the most part, unproductive.

A paycheck is a good thing.  A paycheck isnt a bad thing.

But it isnt the only thing.

I can't imagine the percentage of those who love, or love aspects even, of their work to those who do not, but that percentage is one I must research because its pertinent to the life equation,  and must be very low.

And one would assume if you are to spend 100k plus, and going, on an education that there must be some love.

But education is difficult, not because learning is difficult, but because its never ending and attempting to learn one area in a matter of several years is not possible, but it is possible to determine an estimation of the level of love for a job.  But thats an expensive experiment.

Specializing is the society we now live in, so to think a general formal education, no matter how specific, can lead to endless opportunities or, more so, avenues.  Obviously it is up to any individual, whether weighed down by 100k plus debts or not, which is with no exception, emotionally draining at times, to determine to what extent they utilize that opportunity.

Just like 'love winning', Love must win over Money.

Options

I try to formulate goals every year, month, or really as I have the motivation and time.

When those stars align, which isn't as often as I'd like or need, I put my future's goals on pen and paper and more importantly, in my busy, and forgetful, head.

Goals are good to have but only get one so far.  The more realistic gameplan would be to formulate and act on options!

I include way to many and's in my ramblings.  As a disclaimer.

But as an 100ker, options are limited.

I currently have 3 bills over 5hundy a month, work 7 days a week(although I promise myself I wouldnt bring that up again as I do at every turn), and am trying to raise a family, albeit only one child.

But options fo exist.

Everyone with any job, had the same set of options I have there.

1) Deal with it.  Which most do and will continue to do based on their given set of circumstances, 100ker or not.

2) Quit.  Well, thats a limited and desperate option with too many negative consequences to list. But nonetheless, an option.  One my wife puts out there for me often, but i bitch often so its tit for tat.

3) Get a new job.  I'm working on that but anyone in that circumstance knows the difficulty and hard work that option requires. 

4) Flee.  How that option came up so quick may be the severity of my situation, only magnified by my own thought process, but also an option.  With the most and numerous negative consequences.

5) Quit having goals and plans and options.  Which to myself doesn't seem plausible.

6) Have faith.  Have some sort of stitched together form of hope and faith in one of the above, more positive, options.

So there are options,  vague as they may be; we all have them, but wheres the line drawn in order to pick the correct one.  Not relying on myself is whats necessary, in a sense, and for another blog that I'm not capable or faithful enough to compose.

Selah with options.

Metrics

There are many decisions made in this world that are based on very subjective points of views and opinions. 

The decision to attend college, or what to 'do when you grow up' should not be based on pure feeling and luck.  Your opinion matters but its not going to get you to the best place in life.

Many career paths are muttled with failure and wrong turns.  If you happen to be on a career path to a passionate dream and you are willing to work at all costs, that dream can become a reality.

If you're like most of us, a career is something you do, and made a limited choice to attempt to do while in college, not something you are.  Now that veers to another blog in another category of what one is and how to define that? But for this time and this place of wasted internet space, the choice is the ultimate answer.

I do have aspirations to create an entire life expense book but my 'passion', out of strong hatred is student loans.

Now, while racking up more student loans I received my MBA from a small Pennsylvanian school most likely not known outside of the tri-state.  There was a certain professor, who like all influential teachers one meets throughout their educational journey, made an impression, an impression that I should have understood and recieved prior to my secondary educational experience.  As I had not recieved this type of tutelage, I learned of a decision making process using solely metrics, and making that gut feeling, guess of a decision, one with numeric value, supporting the side chosen or not.

Using statistical evidence, and a linear regresion program, I believe it would be possible to map out an educated guide to life with specific emphasis on the 'Student Loan Decision'.

Locating, and expensing, the statistical program may be difficult but I, as well as openly recommending, plan on reading the school book I failed to open, Smart Data by James Rodgers.

Statistical evidence is the only basis one can know a more informed decision was made.  And when it comes to life, and student loans, we cant afford to be wrong.

Excuses

I was having a real tough time coming up with something to write about, and usually my topic for forced writing around those times is motivation. Motivation because of my lack of at those times.  Well this time it may be based on the hangover or the head cold or the lack of sleep.

There in lays the problem, the problem with student loans, the problem with amounting debt, the problem with our, American society.  We base our lives off excuses, excuses derived from entitlement.

And there are many who recognize this obvious epidemic.  You see it in the news daily, media sources push the sense of entitlement to a new level with each passing day as many minorities and majorities protest against injustices.  While these injustices do exist, and awareness is key, what happened to going into the system and trying to change it from the ground up, through education and job growth, and then empowerment through the position to be able to make choices to change things for the better.

But no, it is deemed acceptable to sit around and bitch.  Hell, as im doing now.  I'm not the vocal minority, even though I most certainly should be with 100k plus in student loans. 

Real change doesn't come from temporary fixes brought about in response to the vocal.  But change is brought about by action.  And most of the times this must be done on the personal level, for to change society and the way of the world is much more difficult, and I can find innumerable excuses to fight that internal urge, and external work that would need to be put into such a change.

But we will continue to rely on excuses, and blogs.

An Ignorance fueled by Entitlement.

I've heard a couple good quotes regarding excuses, and more so life and what occurs.  They both have the same meaning but using different verbiage.

The first is from one of the more successful persons from my graduating class who owns and operates several establishments, and in your early 30s that is quite an accomplishment. Im sure its an adaptation of a quote but quality and true, true to the excuse bearer:

Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react.

Bad grammar if you ask me, but like I said, I'm the bitcher using words and shes the worker establishing herself and her business.

The other is from one of Joe Paterno's biographies, the last notable one after his passing.  It was taken by him from Bear Bryant, both highly successful and both who did not make many excuses.  It was a poem by Heartsill Wilson that the Bear used in a public appearance:

This is the beginning of a new day
God has given me this to use as I will
I can waste it or use it for good
What I do today is very important because I am
Exchanging a day of my life for it
When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever
Leaving something in its place I have traded for it
I want it to be a gain,  not loss - good, not evil
Success, not failure, in order that I
Shall not forget the price I paid for it.

More Choices

There are many more choices in life other than to college or not.

But when college is the option then the choice is what to study.  Sure, where, how, and other questions also arise but what is the most important of those choices.

Talking with a 16 year old cousin, I find myself preaching on the words I write here. To not college.  And if I could go back I wouldnt change my decision, but I would hopefully do it better. Think about it more and realize there are many more years after college. Years that the decisions made before, through, and after are affected.

So the choice of what to study and ultimately Be is one that shouldn't be made lightly, but one that any young person does not know because they've barely experienced to know what is.  But nonetheless we give them that life defining choice and let them run into whatever life they choose, which the direction is chosen in some instances but paths and obstacles arise that were not necessarily by choice.

He, my cousin, wants to be an aerospace engineer, which to me sounds like a child saying I want to be an astronaut.  To say that you will start into this career path is one thing but getting through is a whole different, long and brutal story.  Ive known many an engineering student move elsewhere,  which are those unseen and unchosen paths and obstacles.  So I heeded him that warning along with a warning to chose a field like that, he also said mechanical engineering which seems a bit more obtainable but also a grueling effort is needed to succeed while in school.

I, as an accounting major, took a job for jobs sake and still believe in the accounting major as an adequate opportunity with a heed of warning that you, unlike I, must put in the work to find a position in the field.  But many come out with 'business' or 'management' or 'communication' or 'miscellaneous' degrees and look for miscellaneous jobs, not unlike myself.  So I ask what then is the point of those degrees.  And the point of educational institutions that give 'knowledge' but actually give nothing of real value, physical or future, such as guarantee of a position.  A guarentee of a grade is giving and even when that is sufficient, a job is still not given.

Maybe im being a child of my generation.

Entitled.

Maybe im just bitching. As always.

But read and know that the choice of 'what' is a fine point as to know to college or not to college.

Book Title

Its becoming more apparent to me that this is the forum to attempt to launch a book, whether read or words in a forest that fall and no one hears.

Nonetheless writing can take place with pen and paper and be much faster or typing can take place and be a little less faster but more concrete, at least more visible.

Im not sure visibility is the most important factor, but importance is the most important factor. Importance, and relevance.  Where can I as an opinionated and educationally desired individual add any value to educate others through my self education and experience.

Thus, I blog.

Blogging, and talking, and notching about debt is one thing; the question here lies what can I add to the conversation,  especially that I could include in my dream, of a book and of financial freedom, as they, the proverbial they, deem it.  But a debt adverse lifestyle would be ideal. 

One can either divest and throw away future potential or the lucky ones can invest in a future that provides that which they are working for, whether that be fulfillment, happiness, other's happiness,  but not for yesterday and yesterdays problems and financial burdens.  But that is the system banking and financial instruments have allowed.  One where the few with available financial freedoms allow the many with many financial obligations and lack of finances to secure debts so aggregious that their lives are owed to that debt.

I talk in philosophies but they are truths that many live with and any sense of worth outside of our earthly existence is diminished by our earthly existence.  Living contradictions for the life not lived.

Still we must look past finances, even 100k plus finances, and live to fight and educate and evolve another day.  So that future generations are burdened by the things worth burdening over, our reason for existence, our search for knowledge, our search for meaning, our search for other intangibles that finances could never bring.

Again, way too existential.

But when you're 100k plus that's where the mind goes, to philosophical reasoning as to the necessity of the 100k plus.

I hope none of this on anybody and am slowly, very dramatically slowly, to know that no one else will be in this position ever, whether that's just through meaningless words on a meaningless space of the internet, or hopeful action in the world I reside in.

Dear Obama....Student Loan Debt Consolidation

ehhmm.....Private Student Loan Debt Consolidation.

On my main source of news, Yahoo, there was just an article on is debt consolidation and if it is a scam.

I'm sure there are many scams out there, in fact, there have now been articles lately of student loan consolidation programs that are now scams.  Obviously it is a good racket to get into with desperate debtors with little to no options.

What are the options....default?  Well, no, except in the most forgone financial position, in which I have not educated myself with.  But I'm assuming its just about as easy to default on student loan debt as it is to get elected to the presidency, to which I'm trying to write to, but revert back to blogging on.

In a letter, in fact, I would want to address that there are very little options for private student loans offenders, in which, who is in fact the offender.  The consumer or the provider of the product that is only available to furnish the acquisition of a paper?  I'm framing myself, and all private student loan consumers, the offenders since this is a financial means to an end that should not be utilized in any circumstance.  As with any financial debt, there should be a  product of collateral such as a house or an item, but this is solely the futures of all cosigners and debtors as this debt is un-expellable. 

I, at this moment, 7 years into my loans, have paid around $70,000 on the 100k that I owe, while that balance has only decreased by around $10,000.  I have not missed a payment, I have not paid less than the minimum amount, which is, in fact, more than would be of a mortgage.  The rate isn't sky high but it is an average of 7 1/2 percent variable, which is subject to sky rocket upon good interest rates.  I don't know if I foresee that, with a poor economic landscape currently in America, but I, personally, was always used to a bad personal economy.  

I have attempted to consolidate this debt, with a consignor, which was unsuccessful as one requirement was that I make the amount of debt that I owe in a year.  And if that were the case, I wouldn't be sitting here wasting my time on what is a dream of a letter but more of a blog, and even more a journal of feelings instead of cold hard facts.

Consolidation should be available for that very fact, that I am a responsible consumer in that I have not expelled or not paid the debt I have, unknowingly, taken.  I say unknowingly as I was a child of 18 who signed papers that I was neither privy, nor cared, to understand what the consequences of the debt entailed.  But I was an ignorant consumer as is what should be prevented in the future, to not allow this ignorance to keep taking place but order mandatory education, provided at the expense of the loan providers.  This should be enacted, and I'm not aware of the history of the proposal or enactment of such laws.  Which is where this blog lacks.  But, experience, it does not.

So, as I should be allowed to consolidate student loans, I must consolidate this banter.