Validation

I'm probably like you.

That's an enormous leap of generalization.

But some of us can fit ourselves into different genres of characterization.

'What if we're all a little bit weird' Sry, my quote of the season, from an awesome movie, Swiss Army Man. Great, but odd movie.

Im working in a new position, and new always seems to be self validating. 

Until the effects wear off, and the honeymoon is over.

But thats not my point, nor is trying to convince of Swiss Army Man's relevance.

In my position I have added responsibilities and expectations where Ive tried to come in with arms swinging and an attempt to lead the pack.

Ive been marginally successful at this attempt and have been validating on several occasions, ie money, or the promise of it, which at this juncture of my life, thats the only validation I really want from anyone. 

But this expectation Ive set, through triumphs, and defeats, is stunningly high for my position in life. (I write as I sit at my 2nd job as the doorman)

With his expectation is the minimalization of the highs in my life, my son, my continuing quest for education, my work life for that matter.  That I must meet a certain standard, set higher than the acheivements and places I've been.   This means I receive no validation, or invalidation, through the daily, monthly, yearly, or seasonal success I experience.  I simply did the expectation of my time period.  Almost like those players that get a touchdown and don't celebrate because it is theirs, the teams, and the fan's expectation that they will score, and score often.

I'm no star football player; more of failed accounting major with several dings on my record, personal, legal, financialn and otherwise.

So when I complete a class or learn a new move or get a raise, I simply feel the expectation has been met and move on.

There's almost no thankfulness in that.  Maybe thats due to an extreme sense of historical invalidation and under acheivement, but either way, without the validation, I only ask for more validation from external sources.

I have a buddy, who I made in my new position, who is the exact same position, age, and almost person as myself.  He continually needs my validation and our bosses, and those around him.  I feel I am no different in a sense.

My expectation is set at such a level that upwards validation is the only thing to set that free, and that does not come often.  Often, work is a continuous set of actions, some of which I meet expectation, others I fail to, and even others I hopefully exceed.

We all long for some sense of validation, whether thats external or self driven, but validation is tough because theres such a difference from person to person.

'All glory is fleeting' -Joe Paterno used to quote Patton, or some Roman emporer, I beleive.  But as players through his regime experienced some of the highest highs available to goal minded individuals, he reminded them to be humblen to understand validation is only one piece of the puzzle, especially when received externally.  And it's also fleeting, so while we, most of us, would enjoy the praise, that is temporary, just as is pain, but true validation is internal.

I guess that's my point.

Validate internally.

It will allow you to move on, to the tasks at hand, to today's worries, to today's actions, to meet today's expectations. 

To exceed today's expectations.

Everyday.

Bernie! Bernnnniiiiieeeee!

With the election coming, the canidates seem to be as any year, the best of the worst.

But for some, especially the younger generation, Bernie Sanders was a light in a tunnel of darkness.

Younger people, and socialists alike gathered around the cause.  Lets have free education, free childcare, free healthcare.

Normally Im not too political.

Mainly because its a wasteland.

But people got behind this idea of a candidate who would give them, and their daily lives what they wanted, what they needed, what they deserved.

I am not one of those people.

With education specifically, I paid my fair share, my 100k plus.  And I'd like relief from that, or to have never had that at all, by different life choices, i.e. the military or just hard work, or even better, and education funded by my parentsn at least partially as I am attempting with my son.

But a free education is not something that is feesible.

What happened to working towards a goal?

I hate the hard work.

I work 7 days a week for it.

Blue and white collar.

But as a society, as an American Capitalistic society, progression is possible but not a total overnight transformation.

This is America and we believe anything is possible, especially overnight transformation.

Fat fighting, plastic surgery, Get Rich Quick schemes.

You name it, we as Americans have embraced it.

But thats a lie and momentary fleeting feelings and lifestyles.

Leaving us wanting more.

We are already offered healthcare, social systems such as primary education and safety, Obama phone, food if we need it, the postal service, financial services for secondary and post secondary education.

And frankly, if we want free college, free healthcare, free daycare, and anything else our hearts desire as free, we're just working to turn the rest of our lives over to public systems.

Public systems that don't work right, are over or under funded depending on the politicians, even Bernie.

Public systems like my community which left to its own accord is in massive debt, has an abysmal school system, and growing social issues.

Public systems dont improve our society, they slow it down.  Innovation is slowed, if theres any room for it at all.  Efficiency lacks.  Progress as a society is left to the government when it should be left to the people.

Hope is a good thing.

Change for the better is a good thing.

Dramatic societal change such as free education and $15 minimum wage are impossible realities from the base we have now. 

There is a better future but WE have to work for it. 

The collective WE.

Us as individuals.

Not the government.

And certainly not Bernie Sanders.

Holiday work

Blah.

But its a must when faced with a financial burden and no other financial outs.

Its not the end of the world, heck, as Americans we should #1 be grateful for work #2 know we have it much better.

But, in our small worlds, they mean family, food, better times than most, even if just a day off.

Not on holidays here at the 100k plus mark.

But many professions have that stipulation.

Most of my family are nurses.  They are always needed and must work some uncomfortable holidays.   Life goes on.

I guess Im trying to convince myself of that, even with the knowledge of a greater being and person.  A day off is a day off.

Im currently trying to convince my wife to become a nurse, which is somewhat hypocritical as I would never want the anytime anyday work week. Maybe more varation on the 9-5 work week but either way, I'm not up for the task.

Well back to the point of us as Americans are blessed to have the opportunity to work, and choose that work.

Holiday work falls in line with the social policies us as Americans are blessed with.

Seriously.

Blessed.

Other countries do not have a 40 hour work week written into the law.

You work holidays.

You work the day after you have a baby.

So 100k plus is bad, and Im certaintly kot going to stop bitching about it, until kids dont have to endure that excess.  But its not that bad.

I was going to go into a blue collar/white collar thing, but us, with 100k plus who are lucky to have jobs are certainly blessed.

It's over-used but it's true.

We're blessed.

(Overly positive message for Easter! ....bitching will resume at an irregularly scheduled date)

Scoreboards

I've written before about the onset of depression that financial burden brings, and its an obvious in this world.

In a society based around a financial competitive economy, the strongest survive and the weakest live off the taxation scraps.  Some days I wish I were the one living off those scraps.

Working 7 days being an 100k pluser feels like hard work.  But what if thats wasted energy with too much friction and backforce to gain any positive momentum forward?

I'm an avid football fan, college and NFL, as many are, so I cant say I'm much different from any college graduated middle class male, but in seeing the sport, there is a lot of "hard work" put into getting to those levels, whether it be the player or the coaching and support staff.  But that hard work appears to pay off.

But what is the distinction?

On HBO's series Hard Knocks, theyre currently covering the Texans, and more so the NFL celebrity that is JJ Watt.  He appears to put more hard work in than anybody.  It appears hes working hard after practice, hes very disciplined, speaking of a 10 hour sleep schedule, whcih according to him rejuvenates the body and allows for more physical and mental awareness.  I cant imagine the sacrifice that takes, trying to live on a 14 hour day.  I wouldnt have a kid, ill tell you that.

But the fact remains, I do, and I am trying to support and start and raise a family, with good values, and trying to center life around that, when the definition of hard work is sacrifice, or at least a large component.

So I sacrifice a lot of my time to work, work inefficiently apparently as my hard work only drives me backward.

Where does a 100k pluser attempt to break the mold and beat the overwhelming financial odds?

Well, I cant say i have that answer but I can send out the siren song, which in the end appears to be me only bitching and maybe fruitless for any other struggling 100k pluser.

Just there I realized that this sole bitching wasnt going to help.

Perhaps a support group.

I know noone with 100k plus in student debt.  At least noone as vocal in complaining about it.

Twos sites i quickly found were Student Loan Sherpa and Ready for Zero.

Both appear to have started as blogs and gained momentum, which i quote have not.

But more research is always needed.

The support group sounds like a good idea, but how does something like that start, where do you meet, will there be truth or just unwanted nonsense, is it possible?

Maybe a possible ad pitch for a blog and then a proposal.  Or maybe just do it, paper, online, where?

These are spit ball ideas in a blog entry that was meant to define myself as a lifetime loser, as a failure.

But these ideas could make us all get something we desperately need, hope.

Hope for zero, hope to not call ourselves 100k plusers.

I dont know the severity of this problem, I know I lay at the bottom but I know I can't be the only one.

This is my plea to myself for a true siren song and the courage to sing it.

A word of warning

As much as my blog entries are too subjective, this one just might take the cake for subjectivity.

I'm about to get all touchy feely right here.

100k plus is a very economic state, one this country has cultivated and grown.  Lawyers, doctors, PhD's.

But that has bleed into the normal spectrum of society.

My hope and dreams of being an accountant; at 18 it was hopes and dreams of being an accountant to the stars.  The end state I believed I may have been capable of was all but out of the question when 2 crushing realities were realized.

The first being the realization of what 100k plus means for the regular layman.  Of which I will elaborate on,  and the other being that I'm stuck in this place, for good and bad.

This is home.  Pittsburgh.

An average in the city of average.

They call it the City of Champions, but its more the city of the middle class and more so lower class.  I guess that all American society as the income gap grows to a much greater extent than the American dream was outlined to be.

So back to my touchy feely story.

The feeling of being so debt ridden almost outweighs the feeling of being poor.  See the poor are free to live as their income allows, with assistance from social systems if them utilize them to their fullest extent or even at all, while debt just sits there, crushing hopes and hard work and totally devolving any future reality of having an American dream.

The Life Equation seems to be squashed by the American Dream.  In a sense of where I head in my writing, more so my rambling, it is a positive step towards a more universally marketed product.  In the path to my eventually happiness or content state of being, its a crushing blow, but one that was realized during the accumulation of that 100k plus.

See, as I make the average wage, actually my dreams, more so goals, before 30 goals to be exact were meager.

Make 50k. Modest current economic state goals in a rising middle class worker world.

I, at 31, lay just under that so just behind that meager, considering a family to support, goal.

How can I complain about that?

Well, first off (well more first off, as evidenced by this blog, I'm a complainer), the only goal that was accomplished was solving the Rubix Cube, a goal I've backslid on and cannot longer complete.

I kid, and I digress.

I found a wife, a house, and a masters.

All good things, but not all easy things.

And most certainly not without a constant looming 100k plus with a 50k minus job.

And the constant realization of the death of ones dream, the seath of the American dream, and sure fire failure.

Hey, its depressing, but its 100k plus life.

Variables

In preparation and thought for the formulation of a life equation, it would be beneficial to learn a bit more about regression and linear models.  I can, and will, throw out ramblings with the backing of little to no statistics, only when I'm feeling extra productive, but it is finally necessary.

The life equation could easily consist of wealth = assets - liabilities, as is taught in any accounting class, beginner or advanced, but there's a lifetime of assets, and more so of liabilities, depending on the side of the track you started and end up on.

Education, food, clothing, housing.  These are necessary expeditures throughout our first world, or any world for that matter journey.  Education maybe being the divide, but that is the divide that seperates the modern world as well, in a much different way as access may be the significant issue in the 3rd world but accessibility is also a dividing factor in the 1rst world.  Education of all levels is available to all, the standard being the difference throughout, while many economic factors litter the mix as well.

And that economic mix is the one I'd like to determine in the life equation, at least the average, and maybe a floor and ceiling.  A floor being already established at 0, 0 dollars, 0 hopes, 0 dreams; but a floor is actually determined by American society, whether there is any effort put into rising from that floor or not, ie our own American version of socialism.  While middle class socialism is given to the fates of our capitalistic natures, to throw any form of social empathy to the wayside and live in an over inflated world of darwinism.  A bit dramatic, I'd say, but with a bit of truth.

The ceiling essentially being infinite within reason, and most likely forgoing other variables (he said the name of the movie!) not quantified by the life equation or any equation.

Onwards from my rhetoric.

Regression and linear models are needed for this to weed out the bullshit, and, well, rhetoric.  To establish a trajectory including such constants as cost of education, cost of housing, cost of financing, need for financing, living expense, and to fish out any other variables, any other quantifiable items.

I'm on my journey to get back the book written by one of the only professors i felt i ever got anything from, and we skipped every project and paper: James Rodgers.
His book Smart Data is necessary in a world with so many quantifiable factors and so many more theories, and guesses.

I can reasonably make an assumption on an average life equation with the assistance of statics of many varying items, but using stats for my own good isn't helping anyone.  That's why math created these models, to better understand the misunderstood, to put fact to words, to make a case for the jumbled mess I consistenly serve.

Idealism is for the Entitled

A lot of people say a lot of things.

And I am no exception.

Recently there was a New York Times op ed piece about advocating former students to forgo paying their student loans.

As I was pointed to it by my main source of news and information, Yahoo, on the surface, it was a very selfish act that I was intrigued to participate in.

But it was based on an ideal.

If students stopped paying their student loans, the system, univerity and bank, would be forced to change, to reevaluate.

Now, I'm much more selfish than to think about community, and even more so, much more realistic to think such an ideal is plausible.  Selfishness and realism, not a great way to spend a life.

But, in my selfishness, and my 100k plus lifestyle, i desire to write to him to gain some knowledge of his lifestyle where one can forget about debts, or attempt to, and move on to giving back to this world in the area one was meant to if it weren't for the financial burden of being slightly lower middle class and having aggregious student loans.

Mr. Lee Siegred,

To think that you received backlash of the extent that you did for your New York Times Op Ed piece is unfortunate.  I may have chosen a better, more powerful word there, especially to pen to an author, but I guess the understanding of what it takes to be successful and the barriers of entry are not commonplace in this American society.  The "American Dream" as it is, just may be dead, or at least, dying.

Perhaps the backlash is due for our country's populous take on socialism, even though the system appears to embrace it at the lowest income levels, but either way, the backlash received is undeserving, as there is no empathy in media and society, and most certainly not with the advent of the internet.

I, myself, am very empathetic to your situation, but also fringing on a jealousy as I took the road more traveled, the windy, dirty path that is paying my debts monthly, even if they are much greater a percentage of my pay than would be garnished had I chose your approach.

But as much as I will tell my story here, if you make it to that point, a thank you is in order as I, myself, and I would assume anyone with such outrageous debts as ours, am very appreciative of your article.  Not that I can be that person, as I have begrudgingly paid the unnecessarily large minimum monthly payments for going on 10 years, but that you have brought hope to hopeless situations.  A world where the system is questioned, a world where you are free to pursue your dreams.  The American dream. Maybe its heart is still beating somewhere.

The American dream is dead for nonbelievers like myself, but dreamers and doers like you give us hope, hope that is questionable, but hope nonetheless.

I bother you, or I write to you, in the hope of your empathy, but more so, for hopeful guidance for questions that can't be answered by a system, that can't be proposed to my fellow man as us 100k plusers (my wording and phrasing) are few and far between.  At least is my feeling that we are few, and I hope for my fellow man that is true, because a crippling debt and a job, more like 2 or 3, that is/are worse is not something I would wish upon my worst enemies.

Enough introductions, I'm not trying to present you a book but a story, a story i pray you may hear, just as your siren song, of which I'm sure as a writer you have many.  I do appologize because as you are famous, in your realm, and I am an average, I am not familiar with your works but hope to change that in the future.  Anyone advocating for students and common economic decency and not the system is someone I admire greatly.  So excuse me, and maybe, possibly, thank you for one more thing, reading to this point.

I myself write and have a passion for it, one I did not fully discover until I was deep enough into my college journey to become an accountant that I couldn't turn my back to as that was the point where the financial crisis I put myself in was becoming more and more a reality.  I have a passion maybe, but a passion to debate and fight may not be there, one I'm sure you as a doer and fighter have honed throughout years of writing and fighting the school loans that allowed you to do so.

Anyhow, my story is similar in the fact that I grew up lower middle class; I ended up making more money a year in my first job than my father did a year in any of his positions despite 3 college degrees which most likely connects itself well to this story but I was never aware of the extent of the cost of his education.  He was on disability for the last 15 years of his life, while my mother earned a descent living as a nurse, but just the right amount to allow them to earn more than the minimum amount where I would receive much, if any, student aid, and less than would allow them to assist me in the any of the cost to attend a 4 year school.

With that said, I only had a desire to attend one school, Penn State, and that was all I applied for, disregarding any need for scholarships as I was a top 10% of my class kid but not anything other than average.  Not being a cheap school was not an issue, or at least I was unaware of that fact, but that decision was made.  I was always told by my father, we'd work it out.  His intentions were good, but put to play, I was always going to be stuck with a mortgage for a student loan bill.  I still, in such an obvious understatement, hold a great deal of animosity about that decision that was made for me, without any research or knowledge of my own.  I just knew I was college material, and my father wanted to give me what I wanted, and he thought best.  He died several years after I graduated college, several tough years, where just as I am here, put much of the pressure that was on me back on him, mostly in anger.  So, suffice to say, it did not work out.  I work to support this debt while struggle to support a growing family.  Maybe the only true American Dream left.

Back to reality; I knew about 2 years in my debt would surmount to a lot of money, but what was I to do other than treck on.  And I have been doing that now for over 10 years, with an acceptance of the fact that I made the incorrect decision with my life and was not from the income bracket that would let me attend such a school, or any school in general as it was all on credit.

That remains my complaint, but I can't do anything about it now.

Until I read your article.

I have about 100k in private loans, which are indespersable, but little government loan assistance due to that long drawn out story of my parents.

I've paid on them for almost 10 years and still have 86k in debt, with minimum payments ranging from $530 to over $900 a month throughout, which I would assume in the 10 years I've paid would have amounted to more than 15k give or take.

But thats not the case.

I now have a masters which I paid about 25k for, a worthless MBA.

My student loan debts, along with my wives, amount to minimum payments that are equal to about 1/5 to 1/6 of our combined monthly income. So at the current moment, with my masters debts in forbearance, I pay an estimated 20% of our monthly net income, when the garnishment of my wages, and I assume just my wages, for the first job, would be the wages targeted.

I don't know if you can confirm or guide me here; my time may be best soent in researching than penning random complaints to a complaining author, but this is more enjoyable and much like therapy.

So, does such an opportunity exist for someone like myself, do the benefits of fighting rather than fighting to get by outweigh the negatives, which in my fear driven and corralled mind, are many?

As I start a family, life, and finances, only get more difficult, as I have a wife, a son, and a house, are there truely benefits to fight the system that will fight me back tenfold?